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Mr. Grieves #154

Scott Semegran Mr. Grieves - Mr. Grieves Cartoons
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A message from Dick Stiffman, V.P. of Customer Relations at B.P. Hello, America. This is Dick saying hola from B.P. We're as concerned as you about the oil spill in the Gulf... Or as we like to call it, the oil thingy. In fact, we may be MORE concerned than anyone. I'd like to personally chastise anyone who thinks we don't care about the environment. Shame on you! We love the goddamn delicious shrimp in the Gulf. And the goddamn sea creatures, those goofy bastards tug at our heart strings. We love all the alien beasts in the sea. And who can forget the sea turtles. Those crusty bastards deserve to live another 100 years. Since we obviously can't stop this dilemma ourselves, we've decided to let YOU tell us how to fix it. After 10 minutes of intensive cold calling, we chose Wilbur from Mobile, whose idea was pure genius. I told B.P. that my old lady's tampons clog up my toilet real good. Some bitch is clogged now. So B.P. used all its resources to build the world's largest tampon to be inserted into the oil thingy. And by golly, we hope Wilbur is right. Frankly, we got nothing else if this doesn't work. This is Dick saying Buenos Noches from B.P. And Godspeed to the goddamn delicious shrimp.
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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 09 June 2010 06:21 )
 

Mr. Grieves #153

Scott Semegran Mr. Grieves - Mr. Grieves Cartoons
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I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I've decided to make so big changes in my life. The stress that comes from some financial burdens and lifestyle pressures has led me to throw away all my credit cards and give the middlefinger to credit companies. They're evil. Reduce unnecessary expenses in my life and shun the latest fads and gadgets. Fuck the iPad. Focus on the things that make me happy, like time with family and friends. Without the burden of working to live, I'm free to just live, be me, be happy. So you're letting your credit score go in the crapper so you can be happy? Yep. You got some balls, monkey boy. I like that. Thanks. So... Yes? Will you buy a brother a hamburger? I'm broke. Being free sucks, huh? Totally.
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Last Updated ( Friday, 14 May 2010 07:40 )
 

Mr. Grieves #152

Scott Semegran Mr. Grieves - Mr. Grieves Cartoons
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Dear God, why do you have to make life so goddamn hard sometimes? Oh sorry, that was unnecessary. But I'm just being honest. I mean, people keep telling me that I can't appreciate the good times unless I go through some bad times. But... I think that is a big pile of shit. I ALWAYS appreciate the good times. Why do you have to make me suffer? If you're trying to teach me a lesson, then I'm not quite sure what it is. If you're trying to get me to resent you... Then you're doing a pretty good job of that. If you're trying to make me question your existence, then kudos to you... You're making it really tough on me to maintain any type of faith that things will swing back to greener pastures. Come on, buddy. Give me a sign. Give me a nugget of hope. Give me a smidgeon of the good stuff. Come on. DO IT! Well, I'll be waiting. You know where to find me. Talk soon, homie. Amen.


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Last Updated ( Friday, 07 May 2010 14:19 )
 

Mr. Grieves #151

Scott Semegran Mr. Grieves - Mr. Grieves Cartoons
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mrgrieves_151

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Last Updated ( Friday, 23 April 2010 08:07 )
 

Mr. Grieves #150

Scott Semegran Mr. Grieves - Mr. Grieves Cartoons
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Mr Grieves 150

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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 14 April 2010 06:33 )
 

Mr. Grieves #148

Scott Semegran Mr. Grieves - Mr. Grieves Cartoons
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Mr. Grieves: Let's start planning my birthday. It's next month. Pretty Bird: Cool. What day is it? Mr. Grieves: It's in June. My birthday month. Pretty Bird: Birthday month? Why do you get a whole month? Mr. Grieves: Because I'm special. Pretty Bird: Martin Luther King Jr. is special, not you. He deserves a birthday month. Mr. Grieves: My mother always said I was special. Pretty Bird: Every mother tells their child they're special. Even when the worst criminal is on death row, their mom always tells the media how special their bastard son is. Moms say that shit, stupid. Mr. Grieves: Oh... well, that sucks. My birthday is ruined. Pretty Bird: Sorry buddy. Mr. Grieves: One day just doesn't seem like enough for my birthday. Pretty Bird: Tell you what, I'll give you a birthday eve and a birthday, How's that? Mr. Grieves: Nah, forget it. Ruined. Pretty Bird: Whatever. Mr. Grieves: I'm still special, asshole. Pretty Bird: Having dandruff the size of corn flakes does NOT make you special.

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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 14 April 2010 06:31 )
 

Mr. Grieves #147

Scott Semegran Mr. Grieves - Mr. Grieves Cartoons
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Scene: desolate cemetery. Gravestone reads: Pretty Bird, 2004 - 2009. Prettiest bird EVER! There's a sound: Rumble, Rumble! A cockatoo head pops from the ground. Pretty bird has come back to life! He squawks, Pretty bird. Bad doggy. I love you.

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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 14 April 2010 06:31 )
 

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