When I was a kid, I don’t remember my dad ever stepping foot into any of my schools. Not once. Now, I’m not mentioning this because I believe my dad was a bad dad. To the contrary, he was an excellent provider and dispenser of fatherly advice. But I always knew I wanted to be a dad and I wanted to be a hands-on dad. That’s the main difference between my father and I; we have vastly different parenting styles. One of the things I do for my children is to volunteer at their elementary school once a month. I am part of a volunteer program called Watch D.O.G.S. (Dads of Great Students), which “is the father involvement initiative of the National Center for Fathering that organizes fathers and father figures in order to provide positive male role models for the students and to enhance school security.” Doing this allows me the opportunity to get to know the teachers and staff at my kids’ school, meet the kids my children are friends with, and see what it is like for my kids to be in school and what their daily routine is like. Mostly, it is more time I get to spend with my kids. I love being a dad and I enjoy the company of my children. But, and this is a BIG but, I ended up learning more about myself and what it means to be a dad than I ever expected by volunteering at their school.

When I’m at the school, all of the kids tell me the funniest things. They tell me things without any filter and without any provocation at all. For instance, when my oldest was in kindergarten, she had a little boy in her class that I guess would have been considered the bully. He was an obnoxious little brat that always made loud outbursts during class and constantly harassed the other students. I could tell that the teacher was at her wits end with this kid. I couldn’t help but think that this kid needed a good spanking (and I never spanked my own kids!). I made it a point to keep my eye on him. Later in the day, the class was in line to go outside for recess. The bully was terrorizing some of the kids. I stepped over to him and place my hand firmly on his shoulder, maneuvering him to the back of the line. He looked up at me with a straight face and said, “I wish my dad would be a Watch DOG.” I asked him why his dad didn’t do it and he said, “Because he’s in jail.” My heart sank. He said this so matter-of-factly too like he was telling me his favorite game to play or what color the sky was. Little did this brat know just how much he affected me that day. It had a profound effect on me. Volunteering at my kids’ school became more than time to spend with my kids; it gave me some great insight into being a parent too.

My Writing Process

In my first blog post on writing, I gave some practical and inspirational tips for writers. In this blog post, I will discuss the writing process, or more specifically, my writing process. As I mentioned before, I enjoyed reading Stephen King’s On Writing. His process was so different from mine but I took a lot away from reading about his writing process and it made me reflect on my own process. I see the writing process as the intersection between creativity and productivity, the place where your inspiration bares fruit and a work of literary art is created. If you feel that you will live the life of a writer or even have a career as a writer, then you will need to have your own writing process, one that allows you to successfully complete a writing project, whether it be a short story or a poem or a novel or whatever. Every great writer has a process and you should too. So let’s get started.

When it comes to writing fiction, I mostly write what is referred to as literary fiction, or more specifically, fiction that focuses on its characters rather than its plot. Unlike genre fiction, where there can be a well-defined blue print for story structure, literary fiction only has the precedence of past literary works whose stories / narrative structures are as unique as their characters. Since I began writing short stories, novels, and comic strips over 20 years ago, I’ve discovered what exactly my writing process is and I’ve been able to replicate it. I am able to visualize a story that I want a character to explore and then complete my project the way I imagined it to be. For those of you who may be new writers, or writers that are interested in reflecting on your own process (like me), I’ll describe how my two novels about Simon Burchwood came about and how I completed them. Hopefully, as it did for me when I read Stephen King’s On Writing, this blog post will help you understand your own writing process and where your creativity and productivity intersect to create literary art.

This past August, both of my daughters were enrolled in a summer camp in my neighborhood. Spending their summer days in the neighborhood, I thought, was a great way for them to stay connected to their friends from school, considering the majority of the kids enrolled in the camp lived in our neighborhood. My kids' days were fun but long and after I picked them up and brought them home, they usually fell into a deep lull of relaxation and laziness, catching up on a little TV or being creative. This past summer was particularly brutal with a record number of days above 100 degrees and a stifling heat that made being outside as pleasant as getting a root canal from burly, Russian dentist with big hands. One day, after picking them up and bringing them home, I noticed the temperature on the nuclear clock in my living room said it was 118 degrees outside. "Shit," I thought. "This is torture." I decided that lying on my bed under the ceiling fan in my air-conditioned bedroom was a fabulous idea so I commenced to lounge.

After a few minutes, my oldest daughter came into my room. She looked kind of perplexed. Kids her age are always kind of perplexed. I kind of like that about preteen kids.

"Daddy?" she asked.

"Yes baby?" I replied.

"I found a bug in my hair."

"You did?"

"Yes."

"Where is it?"

"I don't know. It disappeared."

"I wouldn't worry about it. Sometimes bugs do that. That's why they're called bugs."

"OK daddy."

She left my room and I went back to relaxing under the fan. A few moments later, she came back in.

"Daddy?"

"Yes baby?"

"My head itches."

Shit. Not good. The possibility of what that meant was evident to me, although I hated to think my kid could be infected. I was disturbed and concerned.

Tips on Writing Fiction

When I tell people that I'm a writer, in general, a few things happen. Almost always, I get a bizarre look in return that implies, "You're kidding, right?" The most puzzling thing to me about this initial response is that it is almost always followed by this response, "You know? I've always wanted to be a writer." Really? Then why don't you write? This routine usually morphs into an insane amount of beer drinking and long discussions about dashed hopes and crushed dreams of not pursuing a literary career by the person who started this conversation in the first place. I'm always being prodded for writing tips whether from Twitter followers or bar patrons or acquaintances who know that I've been a writer for almost 20 years (oof!) and I have a decent amount of literary output and byline credits to show for it. Do I mind talking about? I don't mind one bit.

You may be asking yourself (if you're curious at all about the writing process), "Who the hell does this asshole think he is? Who gave him the 'Writer Know-It-All' badge?" In which I would reply, "Ummm. You're quite hostile." I do not claim to be a Samurai Master of Writing. I do not go on lecture tours and show Power Point presentations about the structure of genre novels. I do not wear a monocle and a smoking jacket while sitting in a leather recliner and pontificate about iambic pentameter in Shakespearean plays. I do not claim to be anything but a writer who is asked a lot of questions about writing from people who are truly curious about writing. I enjoy the writing process or, better said, MY writing process. I enjoy the satisfaction that comes from completing a writing project, whatever it may be, from blog post to short story to novel. I most particularly like the responses from readers that enjoy my written work. It is very satisfying to me. Have I made a gazillion dollars as a writer? No. Am I famous? No. Do I know what I'm doing? Yes. Do you trust me? Who knows but goddamn it, I'm going to write about writing. It will be fun. Do I have credentials? Yes, I have a B.A. in English from the University of Texas at Austin in which I wrote an honor's thesis on the narrative strategies of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Do I have an agent? Not right now but I had one a couple of years ago and I'm currently looking for a new one. Have I been published? Yes. Blah blah blah blah... let's get on with it. OK? Let's go!

I'm going to split this blog post about writing into a few posts, maybe 3, maybe 4, I haven't decided yet but there will be a few. This particular post will be about some writing tips. There will be another about the writing process, my process, then one with frequently asked questions about writing and writers. Ready?

The following "writing tips" were born out of a message from a Twitter follower who asked me to give a writing tip to her then the rest of them spilled out in the form of a few Tweets later that day. They appear in no particular order of importance except for #9 which needs to be last in this group of tips. In all honesty, there are hundreds of great writing tips but these are some that popped into my head that day. Here they are:

This is an excerpt from The Spectacular Simon Burchwood, the new novel from writer Scott Semegran

I tried to call Jessica several times but she never answered her phone or returned my calls. She was really starting to piss me off. I mean, who the hell did she think she was, wanting to move to Dallas and take our kids? It was all a goddamn mess. It's true. And I'm sure Sammie and little Jessica didn't appreciate it either. All of their little friends were here in Austin. Their school was here. Their life was here. Their father was here. I imagined that they would have no interest in moving to Dallas away from everything they knew. But, then again, kids have no choice in the matter. They will do what they're fucking told to do and my kids were no different. They were good kids. It's true.

After getting the go ahead from my supervisor Rod, I realized I had one thing to do before leaving town. I had to go see my doctor. Weird, huh? Well, not really. I'm getting old, you know? It's true. This slightly pudgy, slightly balding "Adonis" isn't going to stay beautiful forever. Ha! Besides, everyone needs to go see their doctor every once and a while. It is a goddamn moral imperative. I made the appointment a couple of months ago after realizing I hadn't seen my doctor in quite some time, maybe before all my divorce bullshit. I had been compiling a list of ailments and weird goings-on with my body and health in general and I felt I really needed to discuss them with Dr. Todd, especially before leaving town. I call him Dr. Todd because his last name is so unruly and filled with dozens of unnecessary consonants that I'm not even going to waste precious keyboard strokes trying to spell it out for you. Just trust me, his last name is a goddamn Polish disaster. It's true. But Dr. Todd is a kind man with a caring way about him and I rather enjoy talking to him, even though I'm sure he will be examining my nutsack or prodding his finger in my poop shoot at some point today. Great. Just great.

Here, in no particular order, was the list of things that were bothering me over the last few years: constipation, left eye twitch, hemorrhoids, upset stomach, random headaches, weight gain, hair loss, weird dreams (duh!), knee pain, seasonal allergies, lower back pain, etcetera, so on and so forth. It was a pretty goddamn long list of ailments and nuisances but they were things that were really bothering me. I mean, especially for a writer, having distractions of the bodily nature can really put a damper on your creative spirit and literary output. Nothing is worse than a raging case of hemorrhoids to ruin a marathon writing session. You can't sit down for more than 15 goddamn minutes at a time when you have burning blisters poking out your asshole. It's true.

Anyway, I drove over to Dr. Todd's office. I pulled my car into the office building parking lot and parked in the back. The building was a pretty nondescript place tucked away behind a group of these massive oak trees in a decent part of town. Dr. Todd had his office here for years before I became his patient and I'm sure it would be here for years to come. On the outside, the building looked like one huge metal and glass box but on the inside, it was an elaborate maze of offices connected by a serpentine hallway that zigged and zagged in no justifiable way. If I didn't already know where his office was then it would be damn near impossible to find. I wondered if that was on purpose. Doctors do some sneaky shit like that sometimes. It's true.

I found his office after walking through the maze of hallways and entered quietly, standing next to the front desk. A nurse was sitting there, busy with something. She wore pink scrubs that had Winnie the Pooh and Tigger on them and her hair was long and blonde and styled in a way that reminded me of the TV sitcom moms from the 1980s. She didn't seem to notice me and I stood there for what seemed like a goddamn eternity while she scribbled on some forms on a clipboard. They must have been pretty goddamn important forms because she was carefully and intently filling in the boxes and checking other boxes and crossing her t's and dotting her i's and examining the hell out of that paperwork. Time really seems to stand still when you're waiting unnoticed for something. It's true. I decided to stop the madness and tap on the desk so she would notice me. I think I startled her. She about jumped out of her goddamn seat.

"Oh! I didn't see you there," she said, straightening herself, fixing her 1980s hairdo.

I take pride in being a good parent or at least trying to be a good parent. That's my goal anyway. So when I was watching the comedian Louis C.K. last week, I couldn't help but laugh at his jokes about being a single dad. Those jokes, like laser-guided missiles, were dead-on target, funny, and very true (the best comedians can do that, you know?). After laughing so hard that tears were pouring out of my eyes like a busted water faucet, Louis said something very poignant, "I found out I'm a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes. I don't know what I'm doing. But my kids love me." And that was it. I was crying like a little girl. Well, maybe not a little girl. OK, I wasn't crying at all. I'm a tough guy, you know?

Louis did get me thinking though. As a parent, I always use what I know as a point of reference and for most of us good parents, we think about what our parents did for us as children when we try to make parenting decisions for our own kids. The funny thing is, as my kids get older and more and more decisions have to be made for them, I realize that what my parents did was in stark contrast to what I do now. For instance, I recently had a conversation with my kids about them walking to school. My immediate reaction was, "There is no way in hell that you girls are going to walk to school. There is an extremely busy street where we live. You could get run over. And kidnappers! What about the KIDNAPPERS?! And don't get me started about the CHILD MOLESTERS!" After I dropped my kids off at school, I thought really hard about what my parents let me do when I was my own daughters' ages. I dusted off those childhood memories and remembered that when I was in kindergarten, my dad let me ride my bike to school, which was a few miles from my house. I had to ride through an alley and a field of grass to get to a road that took me through the other side of the neighborhood to my elementary school. I was only five years old. I didn't get run over. I didn't get kidnapped. And I did not get molested. Weird, huh?

Last summer, I started an art project with my kids for their summer camp. At least once a week, I created Custom Art Lunch Bags for them. They loved it! It's the time of year to continue that tradition and I will keep an on-going gallery here of the lunch bags I create for them. Enjoy!

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How an eBook Shot to the Kindle Bestseller Top 10 List in One Day

I was minding my own business the other day when I received this cryptic email from the Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing team. It said:

Dear Publisher,

We wanted to let you know that we have matched a free promotion on another sales channel for the following ASIN(s):

B003B656DG

Please allow up to 24 hours for the price change to reflect on the Kindle store. Note that as provided on our Pricing Page, you will not earn royalties for free copies of this book during the free promotion.

If you have questions, please reply to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Thank you,

Amazon KDP Team

Now, I thought this was kind of strange because I cannot set the prices for my eBooks as FREE in the KDP control panel. The lowest price I can set is 99 cents. For a long time, I felt 99 cents was a good price for my eBooks that were short stories. I set my novels and other longer books at $2.99 but 99 cents made sense for short stories, kind of like 99 cents for a song but a higher price for an album. Anyway, I didn't know what eBook they were referring to by that weird ASIN code so I had to go research it.

Turns out that particular ASIN number is for The Butterfly Effect, a fictional short story about my daughters and I. It is one of the few short stories I have for sale for the Kindle that has consistently sold at least a few copies a month for the past year or so. Since it is also a short story that is included in my book Modicum, I have set its price as FREE through my other eBook distributors in hopes of getting some sales for Modicum. But since Amazon wouldn't let me set its price at FREE, it remained at 99 cents in the Kindle Store until May 10th. And then… WHAMMO! It hit the Bestseller Lists in 2 categories! HOLY SHIT! As of this writing, it is #6 in Kindle eBooks Humor and #7 in Kindle eBooks Literary Fiction. I have proof, check it! In one day, this eBook went from an overall Kindle rank of #202,265 to #233. Amazing!

The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood, by Scott Semegran is a completely different style book. It has a unique voice and I gave it 4 1/2 stars on my review.

Plot/Storyline: 4 1/2 Stars

This novel tells the story of a man on a trip to New York to promote his soon to be published first novel. He takes a small detour to visit an old Junior High friend. The entire story is about this trip and the people he meets on the way.

The book is told entirely from Simon’s viewpoint. Simon is not a very likeable guy; as a matter of fact, he is a self-centered, pompous jerk. But for some reason, it’s pretty fun to be inside his head, mainly because he is an inadvertent, oblivious jerk.

The storyline does go off on tangents now and then, but they are fairly short ones. In these, you will learn Simon’s views on smoking, cleanliness and going to the bathroom, just to name a few. There were times that I laughed out loud.

Simon has an opinion of each and every person that he runs across, even tangentially. Even when he kind of likes someone, he finds reasons to dislike them. His opinions are mercurial depending on events in a particular moment.

The ending was not well told. I would have rather had more explanation. Although, you can extrapolate what happened, I like my ends tied up a little more neatly. It was almost more like you would end a short story rather than a long novel.

Character Development: 5 Stars

Simon’s character was the only well developed personality in the book. That’s as it should be as it was told solely from his viewpoint. The author never ‘cheated’ so that Simon or the reader knew more than what Simon should have. The author did a terrific job of painting Simon. He was predictable only in that the reader gets to know him so well.

Writing Style: 4 1/2 Stars

This author has an interesting voice in that you feel like you are listening to Simon’s every thought. Even though he’s mostly just a regular guy, his thoughts run rampant in all directions, never leaving the reader bored.

There was a particular quirk that was annoying: the repeated usage of “what” surrounded by commas. Sentences like the following were scattered throughout:

I enjoyed this book, what, like you’ve never enjoyed a book?

I don’t know if the issue was the punctuation or just the interjection, but it was distracting.

Editing/Formatting: 4 1/2 Stars

The editing could have been better as there were a few instances of missing punctuation and a missing article, like ‘the’ or ‘an’. However, they were not so numerous as to spoil the reading experience.

The Kindle formatting also suffered a bit with no line or page breaks between chapters. You might see a number at the end of a sentence, with the next line being the beginning of the next chapter.

Overall: A very good novel that was humorous throughout.

Rating: R for language. This book is filled with bad language. I seriously doubt there are many pages without at least one cuss word.
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I have noticed on Amazon many reviewers who give very harsh reviews for books that have bad language in them. I generally disagree with them. Personally, I do not cuss very much at all, and, when I do, it is very mild. However, I do not mind it in books and movies when it is necessary for honesty in the tale.

This book is mostly comprised of the thoughts of a grown man. I think that many, many people cuss in their thoughts, even if they don’t say the words out loud. As a matter of fact, Simon actually avoids cussing out loud. He also espouses the viewpoint that people shouldn’t cuss in front of their children. Like all of us, though, his thoughts are very different from what comes out of his mouth.

Could the writer have left out all of the bad language? Possibly. But the integrity of the work would have been lost. The voice would not have been nearly as powerful.

Originally posted by Red Adept Reviews on August 20, 2009

 

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The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood - 5 Stars

Why anyone would care about Simon Burchwood’s meteoric rise I’m not sure, but I certainly did. I couldn’t stop turning the pages to find out what amazing, stupid, or appalling thing Simon might do next. It’s true, as Simon, our narrator, says time after time in his memoir, The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood.

Simon has always wanted to be a famous writer – not just a writer, but a famous one – yet fate has him working a dull job at TechForce, in Austin, Texas. Actually, he does as little for his employer as possible, preferring to use his company computer to work on his great novel, It’s true.

Simon is not an appealing man—not in appearance as he describes himself, not in his personality, and not in his behavior. Yet we are hooked on his adventures and what comes out of his mouth.

He is supposed to be flying to New York to read a passage from his soon-to-be-published novel, The Rise and Fall of a Titan, at Barnes & Noble’s flagship store, but he stops off in his hometown of Montgomery, Alabama, to visit his best friend, Jason, whom he hasn’t seen since he was 16. They have stayed in touch through, amazingly enough, letters.

Some of the best scenes in the book come when Simon interacts with strangers. He inevitably starts out thinking a person is nice, clever, a genius even, then ends up hating them—all in one short encounter.

As an example, here’s part of his encounter with an airport bartender:

Bartender: “That drink’s on the house," he said, pointing to my cocktail.

Simon: “Thank you for your generosity." Can you fucking believe it? Wow, he was a professional, a real topnotch bartender. I have known many bartenders in my time but he was one of the slickest.”

And later in the conversation:

Bartender: “Being that I work in an airport, I meet lots of famous types. Singers, actors, politicians, reporters, disc jockeys, athletes, porn stars, you name it. But I ain't never met no writer before. Come to think of it, I don't even know what writers look like.”

Simon: "That's a shame. Writers should be like rock stars in our society. They should be revered," I said. And I meant it too.

Bartender: "That's funny. That's like saying everyone should recognize chess masters or cyclists or physicists or inventors. Nobody cares about writers just like nobody cares about those other types. No offense."

Simon: "None taken." Actually, that really pissed me off. I mean, who the fuck did he think he was anyway? I was the one with a publishing deal. He was stuck in an airport bar serving swill to his high-class clientele, the nose-picking barflies.”

And his encounters continue with his about-faces: the ticket agent, the flight attendant, a friend from high school, Jason’s wife, the girl he had a crush on in high school; not even Jason escapes his excoriation. It’s true.
And did I mention that he was cheap and a shameless self-promoter? For example, he passes out his business card to just about everyone he runs into and tells them: " . . . you can leave me a tip by going to my web site at www.simonburchwood.com and clicking the Submit button on the gratuity web page." He takes all major credit cards. It’s true.

Simon is such a character that I couldn’t wait to find what he did next.
But I wasn’t at all prepared for the surprising conclusion.
It’s true.
Click here to link to The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood.

Davilynn Furlow

Originally posted by Great Books for Under $5 on March 21, 2011

 

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The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood- 4 Stars

My Review:

This book cracked me up! Simon Burchwood is the author of the soon to be published novel THE RISE AND FALL OF A TITAN. He's crude, arrogant, and well just a jerk. He loves to shamelessly self promote and hands anyone, and I mean anyone, his flashy business card. While traveling to New York to do a reading of his new novel at a Barnes and Noble, he decides to take a quick stop in good ole' Montgomery, Alabama. The town of his childhood. Simon quickly realizes that this may not have been the best idea, and that his literary success may be in jeopardy.

Overall a very good and funny read. The only draw back I had was the over usage of vulgarities.

My Rating:
A nice birthday cake (4 Stars)

Originally posted by Ashton the Book Blogger April 25, 2011

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Amusing, psychological ride into Simon's head! 5 Stars

This review is from: The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood (Paperback)
This book cracked me up. I would think about Simon during the day and wonder what was WRONG with him, or ...was I like that !?..., or was he just one of those slightly paranoid, brilliant types. The main character (Simon) grew on me by the second chapter. Very entertaining to read. You won't be disappointed! I wish the book was longer.

By N. Rocz - Amazon Book Review
Originally posted June 25, 2009

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Review: The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood by Scott Semegran - 3 Stars

Charlie's Review:

Simon Burchwood is a narcissistic, wannabe writer. He arrogantly flashes his business cards, and tactlessly navigates through life thinking only of his own comfort, and self promotion. Simon meets many interesting characters along his way, and finds himself in various uncomfortable encounters. None of these situations lends to him breaking from his self-centered ways.

The actual story was humorous, and the character of Simon, while not especially likable, drew you like a car accident might. You just could not help but wonder what he would do next. Mr. Semegran treats you to a surreal journey that doesn't quite end up where you might think.

Unfortunately, what seemed to stand out most to me from this book was the excessive use of vulgarities. Not a paragraph seemed to pass that did not contain profanity. I did not find it enjoyable to stumble repeatedly over this language, and it cheapened the entire reading experience for me. I would only recommend this book to those who are not easily offended by profanity.

Originally posted by Literary R&R April 18, 2011

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Review: The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood - 4 Stars

On his way to New York to celebrate his impending literary success, Simon Burchwood is the prototypical American careerist. But a quick detour to Montgomery, Alabama to visit a childhood friend sends Simon on a bizarre journey, challenging his hopes and dreams of becoming a famous writer. This is a character study that delves into the psyche of a man who desperately tries to redefine himself. Is Simon pompous? Yes. A jerk? Yes. Will you like him? Absolutely!

Review: Simon is like most of us, he wants to be someone someday. Also like most of us, he can't help but constantly judge, assume, hypothesize, condemn, envy and pity (just to list a few) people of the world. You're probably judging me right now thinking who does she think she is accusing me of such things? I think I am the all seeing, all knowing writer of this review! Forgive me I digress! Simon Burchwood is a reflective character that forces a reader to look at the shameful, dirty parts of our humanity. Can he help who he is? No more than any of us can. His perception is comical and ironic as well as sadly maddening because of its truth. Perhaps, not our truth, but nevertheless the truth according to Simon Burchwood's world and just in case you doubt what he says, he'll kindly punctuate the wisdom he shares with a 'it's true.' This is key because near the beginning the reader is told this is a dream and that we're not to forget – but you can't help but forget. It's debatable and when the 'dream' plot is used well (which it is) it can be thematically complicated in a mind melt sort of way. In addition, there is plenty of evidence peppered throughout the story to support one way of thinking or another. I particularly zoned in on the possibility of dream symbolism and how it could be analyzed and applied to what was happening in Simon's life. Is any of it real or is Simon's journey to the Barnes & Noble flagship store in New York just a really messed up fantasy?

Originally posted by Bitsy Bling Books May 5, 2011

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Review: The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood - 3 1/2 Stars

Verdict: An ambitious, enjoyable read with a superb ending that changed my interpretation of the entire text.

Simon Burchwood is a hard-bitten, wannabe novelist teetering on the brink of literary stardom. Yet a brief sojourn in Montgomery, Alabama challenges his haughty façade–and the "meteoric rise" that has continually eluded him.

Sure, Burchwood is egocentric–despicable, even. Admittedly, his lengthy monologues often irritate more than intrigue, crippling the novel's weightier themes. Yet his ill-fated journey, while occasionally long-winded, is strangely captivating.

Semegran's tragic cast of characters struggle to confront disappointing realities: the impossibly optimistic Jason fights to salvage what's left of his disintegrating marriage, while Patty Green–Burchwood's childhood flame– scrambles to make ends meet as a stripper at "Cinnamon's Big Boobie Bonanza." Even Burchwood himself–trekking from Montgomery, Alabama to New York, New York–ultimately discards his delusions of grandeur to find his dreams in shambles.

"The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood" weaves a heartrending portrait of lowered expectation: of a man eschewing, and ultimately embracing, mediocrity. Semegran deftly unmasks the divide between adolescent expectations and adult realities, and does so using Burchwood's crass, profanity-laden commentary–though at times readers will crave a little less Simon, and a little more everyone else.

Reviewed by Sonia Tsuruoka

Originally posted by IndieReader.com May 26, 2011

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Review: The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood - 4 Stars

This funny picaresque novel features the insight-challenged Simon Burchwood, off on a quest for fame and fortune as a great writer, making his journey from Texas to a reading of his début novel at the flagship Barnes and Noble store in New York City by way of Montgomery AL, where his boyhood friend Jason signs on as his Sancho Panza. Simon is a fine example of a "you spot it, you got it" personality type, exceedingly critical of everyone he meets, tilting at windmills that have his own name painted on them. Semegran manages a first-person narrative that is simultaneously derogatory, clueless, and energetic. Simon is constantly launching into little asides, some of which make one want to scream "TMI!" His meanderings will remind birders of the song of the house finch, which emits a long trail of descending, insistent-sounding notes, finishing with a querulous, whiny three-note ascending and descending phrase at the end; Simon's songs always end with the assertion "It's true!" He's a stingy tipper to boot; this is tolerated somewhat better in Montgomery than in NYC.

The action picks up substantially during his time in Montgomery, where he runs into old acquaintances and revives his assorted petty grudges against them that had been dormant for years, refreshing his relationships with people as what I think people nowadays call their "frenemy." He disparages Jason's slovenly lifestyle and makes fun of his old car, calling it a "turd-on wheels." The reader will tightly grip an imaginary steering wheel while Simon, often half in the bag, rides around the dark Alabama streets in Jason's other car, his father's lovingly restored 1967 Mustang.

As Simon readies for the New York leg of his trip, the cracks in Jason's marriage become visible to him, and, at Simon's insistence, Jason comes along for the ride, even though he has declared to Simon that "Everything was fine until you came into town. That's when everything started to fall apart."

The New York segment is played for slightly more broad comedy, a two-hicks-in-the-big-city farce. The two men arrange with a sleazy bellman to stage a "practice" reading of Simon's book (always referred to in caps: "THE RISE AND FALL OF A TITAN," based on the illegal shenanigans of Simon's detested boss), inviting off-duty hotel employees and sending up a keg. Simon clutches and manages to read the first paragraph only; then the drinking and partying begin. Our hero does manage a few moments of empathy, both in dealing with Jason and with a menacing breakfast chef. Does this suggest that, all other evidence aside, his book may be good? Is he capable of change, or will he remain a legend in his own mind?

The writing is very clever. The only problem I had was with Semegran's usage of "low and behold," instead of "lo and behold," and a few typos. Read this book, and feel yourself clutching the wheel of the Mustang as Simon careens through the streets and reaching for your wallet as he prepares to dole out another miserly tip.

Review by Libby Cone

Originally posted by The New Podler Review of Books June 29, 2011

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Review: Modicum - 5 Stars

Hold on let me clean my pants...Ok Ok now on with the review. This is going to be about the funniest book you shall read in a long time. I warn you do not drink, eat or wait to relieve you bladder prior to reading. You will walk through the hilarity that is Modicum. So click the buy now and prepare to laugh all the way to the last page!

Review by Albert Robbins

Originally posted by Free Book Reviews on July 2, 2011

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Review: The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood - 5 Stars

In the mind of the main character you get to experience the laughable side of a jerk. This book will have you rolling in laughter at a man who can not or will not realize who and what he is. Non stop laugh beginning to end.

Review by Albert Robbins

Originally posted by Free Book Reviews on July 2, 2011

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Review: The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood

My Thoughts

Simon Burchwood is a character that I feel everyone can relate to. He just wants to be somebody and is envious of other people when they get to be somebody. He is also a reflective character that allows the reader to look at the darker aspects of humanity that is within us all. I think this will help all kinds of readers to relate to the character of Simon.

The novel was well thought out and all the characters that came into contact with Simon all have a role to play. This novel did have me in fits of laughter at times and this is something I haven't experiences in a while with a novel.

Overall a funny read and I would recommend this book.

Originally posted by Every Book Has a Soul on July 6, 2011

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Review: The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood - 4 Stars

Simon Burchwood is unlikable but unfailingly honest. He will reflect all of our very worst moments and make you cringe to admit the creeping familiarity. His journey from Austin to New York via a visit to his old friend in Montgomery is full of bizarre happenings that make you question your narrator until giving up and just going with it.

Why you'll like it: Strong, funny, and very well executed.

Why you won't: The knowing voice of the author can come through a little too much at times. The irritating ticks of Simon Burchwood will drive you mad but that's a testament to the good writing. "It's true."

Originally posted by Book Stack Reviews on Oct 30, 2011

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Review: The Spectacular Simon Burchwood - 3 Stars

This is my first encounter with Scott Semegran and the second book in the series about Simon Burchwood (although this book can be read as a stand alone which is what I have done). Simon is going through a tough time, working in a job to get by whilst struggling to become Americas next big thing in the author world, his personal life doesn't seem to be able to get any worse. However his ex wife drops a bombshell on him sparking off a roadtrip with an unlikely companion and with life changing consequences.

For the first part of this book I totally loved it and after reading the cat scene (I had tears pouring down my face with laughter), I was set to give a 5 star rating. The author is quite funny and some of the quips are great (although there is a bit of swearing so not for the easily offended!). Simon can be hillarious and great to read about in his recaps and memories. However the massive over use at the end of every handful of sentences of "its true" and the word goddam appearing so many times and in such repartition really did put me off.

The story itself is quite entertaining (and in some places laugh out loud) and like I said I really had enjoyed it but even in really popular reads, words or phrases being repeated that often will detract my enjoyment so much that it does effect the overall rating and reading experience.

Thank you to the author for sending me this book and introducing me to his work, I may well try one of his other books. 3/5 this time for me.

Originally posted by So Many Books, So Little Time on 11/1/2011

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Review: The Spectacular Simon Burchwood - 4 Stars

Simon Burchwood raises his balding pate again in another picaresque tale by Scott Semegran. This time, he is unemployed and newly divorced. After landing a job as a help-desk guy in a government office, he finds out that his ex-wife has abruptly moved with the kids from Austin, where Simon lives, to Dallas, several hundred miles away. Our hero is devastated; he truly loves his kids, and will do anything to get them back so that he can at least see them according to the custody schedule. As in Semegran's previous book, The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood, he cannot do this alone. Rather, he accepts the help of a guy he barely knows from his brand new job, a guy with horrible teeth and questionable personal hygiene, whom Simon calls Snaggle. They set off in a rented Caddy. Snaggle wants to play Slug Bug as they drive, while Simon wants to do MadLibs, so they agree on silence. Is it my imagination, or am I detecting tiny infrequent bursts of empathy on Simon's part, feeling sorry for the socially inept Snaggle, being a bit more understanding of the various transportation and lodging personnel they encounter? Although Simon's pretensions to being a writer are relatively ludicrous, his pretensions toward being a better communicator and accepting quirks in others, which on the surface may just seem part of the writerly image to him, are actually becoming part of him in a deeper way. He and his aromatic acquaintance barrel along the highway, soon picking up more assistance in the guise of Gina, a multi-pierced Goth student from Oklahoma, looking for a lift to Norman. Of course, Simon had given his new boss, as well as Snaggle and Gina, the explanation that his grandmother had just died, and they are going to her funeral. He ruminates from time to time about this fib. Complications ensue, and they eventually go through Dallas and on to Oklahoma, where more complications ensue. But Simon is starting to understand something, and his luck literally changes. Semegran handles this quite deftly; even though Simon keeps warbling his “It's true!” declarations at a great rate, the reader does not tire of them, because, well, some of them ARE true, and we see the progress he is making in getting a grasp of what life is about, albeit in his own ham-fisted way.

Originally posted by The New Podler Review of Books November 27, 2011