I created a cartoon for a short story / comic strip compilation that I submitted to a publisher that actually may never see the light of day; the cartoon, that is. See, the cartoon is about boners. It is titled Bonerpalooza. I created the cartoon after a quick burst of inspiration, like most of my cartoons, and thought the idea was amusing enough to put down on paper. And like most of my cartoons, if it made me and a select group of trusted friends laugh, then I thought it was golden. But I've come to a realization that no matter how funny the cartoon is, most people are offended by cartoon dongs. To quote one of my best friends, whose opinion I don't take lightly, "Cartoon dicks are unprofessional." So, I was in a quandary. Most of the time, I don't really care what people think of me or my work. I've come to a point in my creative life that I cater to my cartoon / writing muse whenever possible. But I've been troubled by the reception of this cartoon. Everyone I've shown it to thinks it's funny. But they have all told me not to publish it. So, is Squirty McGirth offensive? Are cartoon dicks unprofessional?

EBook readers have been around for a while but, to be honest, I really didn't care. As a reader, I think I was too attached to certain things about printed books, things like their tactile feel, typeface, even their smell. As a writer, a book in print was where you wanted to be, especially if a publisher invested in the cost and marketing of it. In the last few weeks, I have completely changed my mind. EBooks rule!

A similar experience happened to me when iPods first came out. Once I discovered the simplicity of how the music could be purchased and loaded onto my iPod, I was in love. And I've had the same discovery with eBooks, thanks to the Kindle, the iPad, and some other similar (though not quite as cool) eReaders.

I first experimented with eBooks using MobiPocket on my Blackberry. I was skeptical at first but the software was easy to load and I immediately found a bunch of resources on the web with public domain books. They also had an eBook store, so I could search their store for authors I liked to read. In addition, they had an eBook creator called Mobipocket Creator. It was quite easy to use and, once my eBooks were created, I could publish them to their eBook database quickly for their eBook store.

I've been having a lot of weird dreams lately. And I know exactly why it's happening. But rather than run through the details of why the dreams are manifesting, I thought it would be more fun to explore this topic through laughter. Check this out from the memory banks:

Oh, there's more!

In the past couple of months, I've experienced a great sense of pride when seeing my books in stock at two of my favorite local book stores. There's nothing like seeing my work sitting on the same shelves with other writers or cartoonists I admire. But yesterday I experienced my own little nerdy rock star moment. My books are currently catalogued at the Wells Branch Library. And I can see your reaction now (insert sarcastic eye roll). But let me tell you something, dear reader. Librarians know how to treat a writer.

What is it that makes a real man? That's a question I'm sure most men mull over at some point in their lives. I know in my twenties I went through periods of questioning certain human qualities and their importance in my definition of a real man: integrity, honesty, loyalty, creativity, etc. Now that I'm older, I realize there was something I left off my manly evaluation list: crying. How did I overlook crying as a manly trait? Well, for one thing, most people don't see crying as being very manly. Understandable. But they are idiots. Let me shed some light on my discovery.

I read a book recently called Apocalypse 2012: An Optimist Investigates the End of Civilization. The author, Lawrence E. Joseph, digs into the numerous theories and predictions that seem to all point to the year 2012 as the "big year." Something surely is going to happen in 2012, whether it is a catastrophe or an explosion or an intergalactic collision or something. Why the year 2012? Because, for the love of God, all the smarty pants throughout history reference that year in their visions for the end of the world; it's that simple. Is it really THAT simple? Well, no. But is it creepy that 2012 keeps popping up? Hell yes! Queue the iPod. We're going to party like its 1999! I better start stockpiling cases of beer and cartons of cigarettes in my garage.

Check this out. The ancient Mayans were some pretty observant people. By just sitting on a hill and watching the night skies obsessively, they calculated an extremely accurate calendar that has predicted all major intergalactic events. What does 2012 mean to them? The end of the world and a new beginning. What else? The sun has been farting out solar flares more than any time in the last 11,000 years. Solar physicists believe it will peak in (you guessed it) 2012 and microwave our planet. Russian geniuses believe our solar system has entered an interstellar energy cloud that threatens to destabilize our sun. When do they think catastrophe will affect us? Somewhere between 2010 and 2020. Is 2012 in there somewhere? Christianity, the I Ching, and Hindu theology have all been interpreted by someone who believes 2012 is the end of time. The sky is falling! Several physicists believe we're overdue for a major catastrophe like the one that evaporated the dinosaurs. And the supervolcano under Yellowstone National Park is due for a major eruption which could result in the death of ninety percent of the world's population. WTF?! This book was really making an effort to ruin my day. Did somebody say "Miller Time?"

The annual Easter visit to church has come and gone, an occasion that creates a huge uproar then dissipates quickly, like a fart blown away by a gust of wind. This tradition doesn't seem to me to be more relevant to my spiritual self than sitting alone for a few minutes and reflecting / praying in peace. But no matter, I helped pretty-up my daughters and the family drove off to church and we did the required standing-room only visit. I witnessed a couple of teenagers faint, the priest dousing the congregation with a torrential amount of holy water, and small children smashing their boogers on their friends' Easter dresses and sport coats. Hurray for Easter!

My youngest became restless with all of the standing around, so we headed outside so she could play. And while I watched her run around and throw rocks, my family and I noticed a sign at the corner of the building. The sign read, "God Does Not Allow Skateboards Here." Ha! Oh really? 'Hmmm,' I thought. 'Is God really concerned about skateboards on church property? There are surely more important things for God to be concerned about, right?' I immediately came to the conclusion that God would not be worried about a recreational sport, something that will illicit happiness and joy in teenagers, as well as keep them in good shape. What this sign was REALLY trying to say was that some grumpy, old people found skateboards to be annoying. And rather than place a sign that read, "Old People Do Not Want Skateboards Here," they decided to use the fear of God as a deterrent for having fun.

My daughter asked me to be a part of her school's Career Day this year, something I also did when she was in kindergarten. I thoroughly enjoyed doing it then and thought it would be fun to do again. And even though the chiropractors, CPAs, and lawyers of my neighborhood surely make a lot more money than I do, nothing makes a better presentation table than a pile of comic strips and cartoons. The kids love them and I remember that spark in their eyes when they saw that an artistic career is possible for them.

At 7:30am, I met the other parents presenting their careers. We shared a quick laugh and a cup of coffee and then promptly setup our tables before the kids came into the gym. We were asked by the school to bring some kind of handout. And since Easter was around the corner, I decided to print out copies of my comic strip that reveals where Easter eggs REALLY come from.  A lot of my comic strips aren't for kids. They contain adult language and topics. But I do have some that are kid-friendly. And this one had been a hit with the kids the last time I did Career Day. And I knew it would be a hit this year. The chiropractor at the table next to me saw my cartoons, and quickly snapped, "Crap, the kids are gonna pass my table up for yours for sure." Score! One point for the cartoonist.

I decided this year I would spend a day in downtown Austin for South by Southwest (SXSW), something I've never done in the 20 years I've lived in Austin. During past SXSW conferences, I attended single events or avoided the downtown area altogether, being that the downtown grid turns into a huge clusterfuck of auto and foot traffic. But this year, I was going to be "sans kids" on the Saturday of SXSW. And since I work at the Texas Lottery, I can park in the parking lot on 6th and Red River whenever I want. So I parked at 2:00pm, my first beer already in my gut, a pack of smokes in my pocket, and my shades on. Ready, set, rock!

I soaked in the atmosphere on the street, feeling the enthusiasm of the music fans waiting in front of the various venues. I didn't have a wristband or badge but I knew there would be tons of free music at bars and clubs during the day. So I headed to a bar I'd never been in before: The Wave. The bottom of the floor only had about a dozen people perched at the bar. But I could feel the rumble of a band playing on the top floor. So I headed up there, bought a Dos XX, and waded to the front of the venue.